I will always remember my first mothers day experience after the loss of my daughter Savina. As I woke that morning my mind was not even on the thought of mothers day. My cousin had invited me to her free women’s breakfast many of times. But due to my grief and just wanting to hide away from many people, I had delayed it. That first Mothers Day after my daughter had died was the first calendar event without her. Unknown of how the day would affect me, I had decided to go to the breakfast with my mum. There was a guest speaker who shared her story of becoming a mother. As she spoke it hit me. I then realised that I was a Mother to Savina but yet she was no longer here to give me my Mothers Day hugs and smiles. I sat there with tears pouring down my face. Wishing that I were not there as the grief came over me. “Why did I come here? What was I thinking”? I wished I had just stayed home. If only I could wake up from this horror and it be just a bad dream.
I tried to fight back the tears, as I continued to listen to the speaker. I never knew that calendar celebrations would be a challenging time after losing a child. This was to be the first of many to come, as the first year of grief had recently begun.
But that day did confirm something in my heart. I was lucky to be a Mum. Some people never become a mum, or some want to be but are unable to. So I knew that I was lucky. Yes my daughter died but I had 14 wonderful months with her while she was on earth. And she may no longer be here, but I will always be her Mum. Even with all the pain and grief, I would never wish those 14 months away. It hurt so much because I loved her so much.
I know it is hard on Mothers Day. When there is someone you love so much, who is no longer here on earth. It can hurt, badly. But for me now, I try to remember the lovely times and rejoice in that day, because I am blessed to be a Mother.
So to all the Mothers, I hope that the day is loving and warm. Full and overflowing of great memories about your children and motherhood.
I wish you a Happy Mothers Day.
By Mere Blair